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How many times have you said to yourself: I should have known when that happened it wasn’t going to work out! No matter what it is–a relationship that you were plugging away at, a deal you were trying to close or a conversation you were earnestly trying to have with a relative. You look back and probably say or think these types of things to yourself:  “How obvious!” “How could I have been so blind?” “I was so dumb not to turn and run right then!”  And so, you take a little bit more time to kick yourself around about it, saying things to yourself you’d never say to a friend. You feel the slow slide of misery  because you didn’t speak what you thought, what you knew, in the moment.

Here’s what I suggest you tell yourself if you’re in this place:

For whatever reason, I wasn’t equipped, skilled or in-strength at the time to recognize it, metabolize it and act in alignment with my integrity. Maybe I was listening too much to process or didn’t have enough information to make the best decision/stand up for myself/ question what I was given. Maybe I was off-kilter, who isn’t many times. I don’t know exactly how it happened. Though I recognize it now. Now I know what I knew–what I thought I knew, before. The gauzy known is now known again.

You recall the inklings of discovery or discomfort. though you either couldn’t do anything with it or you didn’t want to believe it. The mind wants to believe the best, even when it has only a bit to hang onto, when it wants to believe in a person, an idea, an ideal.

We look back and say ‘I knew that was going to happen.’ Or we think ‘I knew all along I shouldn’t trust this person.’ And truly, perhaps you did know. This is what we often call instinct, intuition or gut-feelings. But knowing isn’t substantial until it is put into place, in actuality. What we knew becomes what we know when it is experienced. This doesn’t mean our ideas and values are unreal. It means that they are revealed. What we knew is now known more deeply. You were moving into the known. And, knowing this, you can depend on trusting yourself, the knowing, the naw of questioning the next time it comes around. Remember, recall so the next time you can honor your instincts, your knowingness. You don’t have a crystal ball that shows the future. Your mind is keen when your recognize patterns. This is how we learn, how we know for the next time.

NOTE:  Dissolution, self-criticism, unwarranted disruption and uncertainty is intense. If you are experiencing this, step away from blaming yourself.  I wish you peace and self-empowerment.